Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Monkeys
by CrazyMage
Summary: My first fanfic EVER! My messed up version of Ocarina of Time. CHAPTER 4 UP: Darunia does something funny. I can't tell you what. NO REVIEWS NO UPDATE!
1. Navi the Annoying Fairy

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The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Monkeys.

Deku Tree: Yo! Navi was sup!

Navi: I liked you better when you spoke medieval.

Deku Tree: Now I'm mad cool Yo! Now go to that Gangsta with out a fairy so you can get away from me Dude!

Navi: Whatever

::: Navi travels through Kokiri field saying "Hey…..what's up" causing the Kokiri children to go into seizures:::

::: Dream Sequence::::

:::Hyrule gate opens:::

Ganondorf: I'm riding a pony….. I'm riding a pony…. hee hee hee. 

:::trips over Link:::

Ganondorf: YOU RUINED MY HAPPINESS!!!!!! I WILL DESTROY YOU MWAHAHAHAHAA…. HEY…. WAKE UP….. HEY

:::Link's House fades into view::::

Link: I FINALLY HAVE A FAIRY!!!

Navi: Hey… what's up.

Link: (to self) NOOOOO IT'S THE ANNOYING ONE.

Navi: We have to see the Great Deku Tree we have to see him!!!!

Link: Ok ok 

::::goes out side Saria comes out from out of nowhere::::

Saria: Hey I'm bored I'm gonna wait here until after you see the Great Deku Tree, ok.

:::Link nods:::

::::Link and Navi cross Kokiri forest toward Deku Tree::::

Navi: HEY LISTEN.

Link: What now!

Navi: We have to see the great Deku tree!

Link: I know, you've told me that 12345678912345667899990999 TIMES ALREADY!!!

:::Mido blocks them:

Navi: Hey! Aren't you gonna let us through. Come on, we need to get through, we need to see the Great Deku Tree come on-

Mido:::goes into seizure::: IT BURNS AHHHH.

Link continues through.

(A/N: This was a stupid chapter. I promise the next one will be better. I haven't played Ocarina in a while so this is at the top of my head. I'm not updating this during the weeks because my life is loaded with piano lessons and stuff but I do nothing on the weekends. I'm going to start my Ocarina game all over as soon as I submit this and write down ideas. Also I have a cold right now so I can't really think. I promise, next chapter will be better.)


	2. The Great Deku Tree

(A/N: Ok I had my Coke I feel much better now. Now the other chapter doesn't seem so bad but.. If you liked the last chapter, you'll love this one, and if you didn't like it then you might not like this one either. I'm trying to make this a funny parody. Not those ones where people have nothing else to write so they get all of the characters on drugs and stuff. I guarantee you a funny parody that does not reduce to such stupid lows. I also changed the Deku tree's dialogue, it's hard to talk gangsta.)

Disclamer: I OWN NOTHING!!!!! and I know where you live.

Link entered to see the Deku tree wearing sun glasses.

Navi: Great Deku Tree…. I'M BA-AK.

Great Deku Tree: Darn! *cough cough* (to Link)Yo was sap Homie G I'm the Great Deku Tree, Dude! That rhymed. I feel like an evil…feeling now. I'm dying and I need you to like…save me…blah blah blah blah blah……

:::Link falls asleep:::

Great Deku Tree: WAKE UP!!!!!

:::Link jumps awake:::

Great Deku Tree: GET IN MY BELLY!….YOU GET IN MY BELLY TOO NAVI!!!!

Link was swallowed by the Deku tree, which is really weird if you ask me. All of a sudden these plants with blue bulbs came up and started clicking and yapping.

Link: What do I do??

Navi: USE YOUR SWORD USE YOUR SWORD STUPID. HEY LISTEN WHATS UP USE YOUR SWORD!!!

Link: I would but…I DON'T HAVE ONE.

Navi: Why not why not why not Whhyyy not, take a crazy chance.

:::Link covers ears:::

Link: THE PAINFUL LYRICS OF HILARY DUFF. DO YOU WANT TO GET US KILLED WITH THE GREAT DEKU TREE. 

Navi: Oh sorry.

Link: ANYWAY… Nintendo programmed us to find a sword and shield before we went to Mido but that was too boring so we gave him a seizure instead.

:::sword and shield appear in mid air:::

Link: Well that was strange.

:::Kills Deku Babas. Grabs Deku stick and a blue text box appears.:::

Blue Text Box: doo doo dodo YOU JUST GOT A DEKU STICK!!!!!

Link: Whoopdeedoo.

:::Link goes up some ladders and stuff::::

Navi: HEY LISTEN HEY LISTEN YO WHATS UP TALK TO ME IDIOT!.

Link: What do you want?

Navi: I just thought you should know that you can open a door by opening a door. 

So Link solves some puzzles and stuff (A/N: I hate writing about dungeons. I only talk about dialogue. I will describe the people in the dungeons more.) Link beat Gohma and appears back where they started.

Great Deku Tree: Dude, that was totally radical man! But I fooled you. I'm gonna die anyway. Blah blah blah blah- LISTEN DUDE. This like Dude from like the beach decided to like slowly like turn me into like a chicken. He like wants the like…Legendary Triangle-Thingy. Like whatever that means. One time… there was like and Emmy award, and like an Academy Award, and like… a Grammy… and they like came to this land…blah blah blah blah…. DO I HEAR SNORING!!!!

:::Link awakens:::

Great Deku Tree: ANYWAY, leave the forest and see the Princess of Disney World..I mean Hyrule.

:::Deku Tree dies::::

Navi: You killed him! You killed him! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!

:::Deku Tree reincarnates:::

Great Deku Tree: Dude! I forgot to give you this *tosses Kokiri Emerald and dies again*

Link: SHINY!!!!

(A/N: I think I capture Navi's personality pretty well. Happy Easter Everyone! )


	3. Ferrets and DoRags

A/N: THANK YOU!!!!! I know 4 reviews is nothing. BUT IT'S MY RECORD. I know I said this was my first fanfic but I used to type on fiction press a lot. This is my longest chapter yet. I'd say it will take me two days to write. I lied about only updating on the weekends. I'll update whenever I can. There will be a new chapter atleast once a week coughuntiliabandonthisstorycough I really hope I won't. Being a fanfic author is so fun! Oh I'm planning on changing my author name to Slytherin Queen so if you can't find my name go check that.   
  
BACK TO THE STORY  
  
Disclamer: heck, I don't even own the plot.  
  
:::Link enters Kokiri Forest:::  
  
Mido: YOU KILLED HIM! YES,I'M GONNA GO CELEBRATE……I still hate you.  
  
Link walked across the evil forest toward the guard.  
  
Navi: He's asleep! He's asleep!  
  
Link: SHUT UP OR YOU'LL WAKE HIM UP. He probably heard Great Deku Tree's last words.   
  
:::Link goes onto bridge:::  
  
Saria: BOO!  
  
Link: AAAAHHHH  
  
Saria: I don't know why I'm doing this but here's an Ocarina.   
  
:::Link leaves and is now in Hyrule field:::  
  
Link: AAHHHHHH! AN OWL!!!  
  
Owl Dude: I just came here to tell you a bunch of boring nonsense. There's no escape to give you up. I took a sip from your devil's cup. Slowly it's taking over me!  
  
Link crossed Hyrule field and just when he got there the gate closed and he was attacked by skeletons. The gate opened and he went to the Market Place  
  
In the Market Place there was a red-haired girl head banging to music that Link couldn't hear.  
  
Link:::: taps Malon's shoulder::: WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!  
  
Malon:::: surprised::: I didn't notice you. I like your do-rag.. WAIT! I know…..YOU'RE A FERRET BOY!!! My name's Malon and I'm on sugar-high. OH YEAH! I like your sword::: takes sword:::   
  
Link: Great! Now what am I going to do?  
  
:::At Market stand in corner:::  
  
Chef Tony: (A/N: This is a guy from a very annoying infomercial. He has never been on Zelda) Buy my knives! They will cut through almost ANYTHING! Watch this :::hands knife to assistant. Chef Tony throws pineapple into mid-air and cuts it not once, not twice, but SIX TIMES in mid-air. (If you are familiar with the infomercials this should sound familiar.  
  
Audience: OOOOOOOH……AHHHHHH  
  
Link: I'll take it!  
  
Chef Tony: SOLD! Ro the ferret boy with a do-rag.  
  
:::Castle Grounds:::  
  
Owl Dude: HHHHHHEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
  
Link: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! What happened to your head!  
  
Owl Dude: I like fuzzy bunnies.  
  
Link: Well that was strange.  
  
:::Link gets caught by guards. For some random reason Malon has decided to groove on the Castle Grounds::::  
  
Link: WOULD YOU STOP SINGING THAT AWFUL MUSIC!!  
  
Malon: Shake.. Shake it … shake shake shake it. SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE….hey-ya!- Oh, cool your sneaking into the castle…ferret boy. I've tried that before but I couldn't move the fat guy. Hee hee. Oh Happy Easter. (gives him an egg)  
  
:::When link is in the middle of Hyrule field the egg hatches:::  
  
Link: CHICKEN (Ed, Edd and Eddy style!)  
  
:::Sees fat guy:::  
  
Link: cock-a-doodle-doo.  
  
Talon: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH  
  
Link: I like chickens, Navi.  
  
:::Link eventually sneaks past guards and is now in Zelda's court yard.:::  
  
Link: BOO!  
  
Zelda: AAAAAHHHH! That stone…..is so…..shiny……….shiny……….SHINY!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH DEMON FAIRY!I had this dream were this guy wearing green came up to me and said "I am not confused. It was weird. Now I will bore you with a story…. The Emmy, Grammy, and Academy combined into a Legendary Triangle-Thingy. It's just down the street. But we can't open the secret doorway without 3 of the shiny……..shiny……..SHINY  
  
:::Link slaps Zelda:::  
  
Zelda: shiniest things in Hryule. And then I'll teach you this really cool song. J Oh I'm an evil little girl. I'm spying! Look there's an evil guy in here.  
  
:::Ganondoor skips around the castle with a pink basket throwing daisies everywhere::::  
  
Zelda: Where was I… Oh yes… here's my autograph little boy. The album comes out July 24th.  
  
Impa: Hey look at me I learned how to whistle  
  
:::Link plays the song Impa was whistling on his Ocarina. The look on Link's face suggests that the Ocarina has zapped his mind into nothing Impa transports link out side and magically disappears:::  
  
(A/N: WELL GUESS WHAT! I lied. Hahaha. It only took me a half hour to write this. I'm not posting this until after school tomorrow anyway! And thanks again for the reviews. You don't know how much I apreciate it!) 


	4. Darunia

(A/N: I'm skipping over a few parts. In the game I went to Saria to learn the song. And the Lon Lon ranch side quest . Those things weren't very funny. I did take notes on them but they just weren't funny enough. Plus I just couldn't wait to enforce my plans about Darunia. I'm been planning this like ever since I started writing this. Your just going to have to read on to find out.)  
  
:::Kakariko Village:::  
  
Link sees a very weird guy rotating his neck and sticking his tongue out.  
  
Link: What are you doing!?  
  
Weird guy: I was badly programmed to do this by Nintendo. :::Moans::: Ouch….it kills…..STOP WRITING GWEN!!!! The faster you turn off this fame the faster I can stop.   
  
Link: Who's Gwen? (A/N: My name isn't really Gwen.)  
  
:::Link goes into one of the houses and sees a lady:::  
  
Link: Is the color on the TV messed up or do you have a beard?  
  
Lady: Sadly, I have a beard. There are no tweezers in the village or in Hyrule market so I'm stuck with a beard.  
  
Gwen: THE QUESTIONS OF LIFE HAVE FINALLY BEEN ANSWERED THANKS TO QUEEN GWENEVERE OF SLYTHERIN!!!!  
  
:::Death Mountain Gate:::  
  
Guard: I'm not letting you through because I am annoying and evil.  
  
Link: Aw.. Come on! :::Gets an idea::: (singsong) I'll give you Zelda's autograph!  
  
Guard: Princess Zelda!! I've had a crush on her ever since the 3rd grade! GIMME! :::forces autograph from Link::: Oh, I like Pikachu. If you see any Pikachu stuff, I WANT IT MWAHAHAHAHAH!  
  
:::Goron City::::  
  
Link plays Zelda's Lullaby because Gwen can not take the suspense of her idea about Darunia. He goes inside and sees a very angry fat guy.  
  
Darunia: Grrr!! I'm so mad! I'm going to ruin this story with my angriness. Here is a very angry poem:  
  
Pathetic  
  
Always on my nerves  
  
Infuriating every cell in my body  
  
Getting my blood to the boiling point  
  
Evil in every possible way  
  
This is your name  
  
A free spirit is what you lack  
  
When the earth swallows you  
  
We won't want you back.  
  
Link knew the humor in this story would be in great danger if he didn't do something soon. Unfortunately, Link did not know exactly what that something was so he decided to ask Saria. Little did he know Saria was at a slumber party with her unnamed Kokiri friends. But when Link played that song, it was as if he triggered something. Darunia started dancing very strangely.  
  
Darunia: Talk to me, tell me your name, you blow me off like its all the same. You lit a fuse and now you take me away. Like a bomb. Yeah, baby. She-bang. She-bang. Oh baby. When She moves she moves. I go crazy. Cause she looks like a flower but she stings like a bee. Like every girl in hi-sto-ry. SHE BANG!…….BOOYA! I feel so good, so awakened, so alive. And you must know I had no previous training.  
  
Link: Well that's the surprise of the century!  
  
Darunia: Here's a magical bracelet, I promis if you save the Dodongo's Cavern, I'll give you something very shiny….  
  
(A/N: YES IT'S FINALLY DONE I FEEL SO GREAT! About the poem, I wrote it. If you want to review that too than you can. As on my last count I have 7 reviews, which I must remind you is the most I ever gotten. Thanks Chel, for putting my story on your fav. List. Keep up with the reviews people. I love being a fanfiction author.) 


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